Hmmmmm. . . . or is that Ommmmmm. . .

Been making my way through a very un-Zen like day, watching for my “Enlightened” moment.

Didn’t find it when the coffee grinder was still broken (which was a really big surprise, given that Husband and I tried for almost an hour to fix it last night, and it was still broken when we went to bed. Thought maybe the coffee-grinder fairie would come and fix it while we were sleeping, given what good people we are, and how much we like our espresso in the morning). (He/she did not.)

Definitely didn’t find it when I left for work knowing that Husband was heading out of town in a few hours for four days.

Had an almost moment while working with a particularly receptive and hard-working student, but lost it when I had to rush home to beat Only Daughter’s bus by just a few moments.

Certainly didn’t find it when my car wouldn’t start because the Prius 12-volt “accessories” battery is a Big Fat Baby and completely gives up the ghost if you accidentally leave your lights on for even so short a time span as LESS THAN SIX MINUTES!!!

Found it almost kind of maybe for a little while Only Daughter and I sat in the cold car, waiting for the tow-truck guy and each reading our respective books, and smelling our takeout dinner sitting in its little shopping bag on the seat next to me.

Lost the little I had kind of maybe for a little while found at the realization that, while we were cold and hungry and could have Made the Most of Things by enjoying our takeout dinner in the car, I had REFUSED CUTLERY because WE WERE GOING RIGHT HOME TO EAT.

Definitely lost it when we finally got home and discovered that the wonderful-smelling meal was a disappointing imitation of what used to be pretty-good-despite-being-a-chain-Asian food.

(This reminds me of the “And that was a good thing because. . . . And that was a bad thing because. . . .” book that I can’t actually remember the name of, nor even exactly how that line goes. Little help anyone?)

But all of it’s external circumstances, so none of it really has anything to do with Finding True Happiness. That Relentless Ember of Happiness Which Burns Within no matter What Crap is Happening Without. (REHWBWNMWCHW? Maybe not. Despite its striking similarity to the last name of someone from Croatia, as acronyms go, I think this one needs some work.)

A reader of My Other Blog as well as this one, takes issue with a posted list of 22 Things Happy People Do Differently, because it “puts the onus on us” to be happy.

But isn’t that where it is?

If we allow ourselves to be buffeted around (Buff-it-ed, not Buff-ayed you hungry people out there) like a dinghy on a stormy sea, our emotions at the mercy of whatever random weather happens to be churning our way, well, that’s really not a very reliable place to find happiness, is it? (Especially if you live anywhere in the north-eastern quadrant of the United States, which has apparently not received the memo that Spring Started Yesterday!?!? So um could you like Please Stop Snowing?!?)

Think about the game Crack – the – Whip. On which end of the line do you want to be standing?

How I usually feel

How I usually feel

How I'd like to feel

How I’d like to feel

All I know is it’s an imperfect system.

I’d ask if I got any points for looking, but that’s not really a very Enlightened question, is it?

I’m going to make the best use of my time, and spend some important time with Only Daughter, and try not to become a quivering mass of loneliness in the almost 4 days Husband is away. I think for me, right now, that’s as close as I’m going to get.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s