i didn’t think it would be this difficult. . .

You know how there are days where you feel like you are practically falling over beautiful poetry; encountering kind, generous people in line at the grocery store; hearing “Lacrimosa” on the radio; and you are just overcome by the possibility that there might just be peace, joy, contentment, unspeakable beauty, waiting around every corner if you can just bother to open your eyes and look for it?

Yeah, I know.

Not so much.

But there are SOME days where this happens.

Only Daughter has now recovered from her 3rd fever episode in 16 days. I came to the realization (ha!) last night that I’m a really great mom as long as everyone’s healthy, doing their homework, and cleaning up after themselves. Otherwise I’m reluctantly patient, at best.

OD had a colossal bloody nose yesterday, blood just POURing out of both nostrils (and, despite what those of you who know me pretty well might be thinking at this moment, I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP). She gasps in horror, I sigh epically. What an inconVENience.

I suck.

Husband claims that we all feel like this. I think he’s being kind, generous, or maybe it’s just the two of us, and the rest of the world is full of fantastic parents who are happy to prepare meals with vegetables which no one wants to eat, mop up vomit from the hallway and staunch bleeding with their best white silk blouse or the $100 bills they find just lying around in their purse.

Anyway, she managed to “overcome” her fever for long enough to participate in her ballet performance on Sunday. Her one dance was pretty short, and she looked quite serious while she spun around in circles (considering that taking a shower that day made her dizzy, this was quite a feat), and it took 20 minutes to find her after the concert was over, but she did it.

I was very proud.

She’s brave and strong and smart and kind and beautiful.

I’m very proud.

One of the pieces the older dancers performed to was Lacrimosa. That helped.

I don’t think Mozart spent a lot of time feeling peace, joy, contentment. I try to tell myself that a general dissatisfaction with life is what drives people towards creativity and greatness.

There are some days where this sounds just about right.




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