So two weeks ago Husband was in the hospital after chest pains and passing out in the middle of the night, and ended up with 4 stents in his arteries.
Last week, after much drama and discord, I resigned a position I should have quit years ago, and, while grateful for the luxury of getting to walk away, deeply hurt by the circumstances that made it necessary and worried about my future finances.
Today I found out I won a Fulbright award.
After a lifetime of chasing things; ambition and striving for more and better and more and better, I’ve just decided to sit with who I am and what I am and see what comes to me. I’m good at what I do and have worked really (really really) hard to get there. I’ve been thwarted by people and things I’ve never understood. Husband thinks it’s misogyny; I think it might be that, a little. But it might also be a lot of other things, and I spend a lot of time thinking they are things I’m supposed to learn from, so I can become More and Better.
But fuck it. Enough Learning already.
For a while, I’m just going to be.