Before I had cancer
I knew I wouldn’t live forever, but thought maybe I might
I cared what other people thought
thanked my feet for carrying me
my kidneys for doing their job
and almost always ate my vegetables.
When I had cancer
I feared I might not live at all
and my eyes cried for days,
and I realized I didn’t really care even what
much less anyone else
and my body felt like a time bomb (traitor) that only I could hear.
After I had cancer
I stopped living all of my unlived lives
and realized that having always done my best
was, actually, having done enough
and I ran into something I didn’t recognize,
but It felt a little like joy
of course, it might be the Lexapro.
But sometimes it seems I’m crying still
in dreams I don’t remember.